Worlds Apart Part 2 (3/20/2011)

Chapter 4…

Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed

Women are motivated and empowered when they feel cherished

You’re so valuable to me, but I know you never felt it because we argued about it so often. I don’t know if you know how much I wanted to know that you needed me. I felt like I was just disposable to you. You said multiple times that you didn’t need me, and I knew that was logically true but I didn’t quite get that it affected me so much more than that. Even now I wrestle with the fact that in the end, you did just that; replaced me a month after we seemed to be on the same page. Maybe the worst part of it is that you can’t even give me any reason why.

In this chapter, he talked about how women have this look that communicates that, “You could be the one,” and that as problems start to arise, women start to neglect sending it. I can attest. All I really remember hearing from you over and over is, “Maybe you’re not the one,” and “Maybe I was wrong.” I remember feeling like all you did was convince yourself of all the reasons that we couldn’t work. I feel like this was all my fault, but even now you won’t let me take any blame, which would’ve been fine if you weren’t with someone else two months later. Your mouth told me it wasn’t my fault, but everything else about you said that it was.

There are two moments in particular that I had with you that I’m going to remember for the rest of my life and interestingly enough, neither one of them occurred while we were dating. The 1st, that day where we took the hike up the street from Lakeside and as we walked back to the house, we talked about my earthquake plan and all the holes in it when you looked at me and said,

“But if it comes down to it, I’ll follow you.”

Those are among the most powerful words anyone has ever said to me, I built an entire lifetime in my head from those words; that was the moment I fell for you. Everyone in the house laughed at me, and I don’t blame them at all for it, but that was when you became the most important thing in the world to me. I could write about them all day, but all I can say now is that I wish I could’ve seen those words in action.

The second one was after a hike too, it was after we had broken up when we took a hike near your house. We were sitting by my car, catching our breath when you asked me if I still thought we’d get married. Maybe I took it the wrong way, but I believed that you were waiting for me, especially when beforehand we talked about holding onto God’s promises and you asked about that verse from Luke where it says that Mary was treasuring all of the signs and promises coming to pass before her eyes and pondering about them in her heart. It really seemed like a commitment, but I guess not. Either way, that really motivated me. I must’ve filled out more applications in that next few days than I did in the entire month beforehand. I’ve never wanted so badly to be a man for you.

“There’s nothing more motivating than a waiting woman.”

I’m learning now that taking time to think isn’t bad, but taking that time is super selfish when I don’t consider what it does to you. You need to know that my thinking time isn’t because I’m frustrated with you, but because I just need to process, and that I’ll be back soon and ready to love you better. I’m sorry if it makes you feel like I’m abandoning you, I don’t ever want you to feel that way. I want you to know that I’ll never leave you and that I’ll always come back to you, no matter how long I’m gone. You’re that important to me, dear.

Any thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s