I’ve been a coward another way lately. I’ve actually been afraid of giving up my car. I’ve been driving on a suspended license because my chance of getting pulled over is low (I don’t speed etc.) and I can still get insurance but the issue is that it’s still illegal. I’ve just been too afraid to let go of my freedom.
I live about 15 miles from my main two jobs, almost 20 from one of my churches, 40 from school, and I generally have to go to a number of these places on any given day. My drive is when I do most of my thinking and when I get a few crucial minutes alone, and where I feel most free. I like to hide in my car on breaks and in-between classes and its where I get poetry memorized, make phone calls, and admire the rain. Honestly, you could say that my car is a sort of security blanket for me. That being said, I’ve let it go.
It’s parked at my parents’ house until I earn my license back and buy some insurance. It’ll take me 2 or 3 months, so I’ll miss it and I’ll be learning the RTA routes while doing a lot of walking and getting a lot of rides, but I’m pretty confident that I’ll learn something very important in all of this. Not only that, but I’ll probably come out of this a new person. That excites me, but at the same time, it hurts me. Choosing to be without my car is a lot different from not having it because its inoperable. My soul sort of aches for it and the temptation to take it and drive away in it is great, but I want to be a man of courage, and I know that only one path will lead me there.
I just try to keep remembering:
Those who plant in tears
will harvest with shouts of joy.
They weep as they go to plant their seed,
but they sing as they return with the harvest. Psalm 126:5-6