Choosing to be single is becoming more and more difficult as the days go on. What started as giving up relationships for a period (as one would give up sweets for Lent) has become a steady commitment to pursuing maturity instead of romance. Through this time, I’ve extensively wrestled with myself and my expectations of male/ female relationships, my expectations of myself, and of a woman; asking myself what desires are pure and which ones should be disregarded and reevaluated. As this has been happening, life has been taking its toll.
Between the daily onslaughts of women with all combinations of brilliance, beauty, strength, talent, character, and body; (let’s just be honest here!) the pressures of an ultimately negative/ sinful/ corrupt (whichever word you like best) media and culture that encourages me to do absolutely everything except what I’m doing, friends rushing into relationships and marriage, and the Christian culture’s unfair preoccupation with dating and marriage over things that really matter, stay single-minded can become really difficult.
Even with all that happening though, there’s one thing that hits harder than all the rest of it, and its talk like this:
Men should NOT be single. He should pursue a wife (Gen. 2:18). Marriage sanctifies men and builds our character. The root of not wanting to marry is selfishness. He wants to do whatever he wants with no responsibility or accountability. #MarryHer
Show some godly ambition. Take some risks. Stop looking for play dates and start looking for a wife. Note: The article that this quote was taken from was later edited to include the phrase, “unless God is calling you to greater service through singleness”
It seems to me that young men are saddled with the responsibility to make sure that marriage is happening, which I can understand to some degree when I consider our culture as a whole and see just how many men are still acting like boys. (I’m certainly included in that number to some degree) It’s just that as I’ve been learning to better respect women and their emotions, I’ve been treated as of I MUST marry someday. That’s not right, fair, or healthy.
“Therefore, we are to choose between marriage and singleness not on the basis of whether we
want the personal happiness and status of a family but on the basis of which state makes us
most useful in the kingdom of God.”
There is something in me that knows that right now, I am to be single. Somehow, I’m sure that I’m not settled right now. That this is right. That my foundation is much too unstable to build on. That who I am isn’t quite solid and that I’ll somehow be a much different man in 2 or 3 or 5 years. I’m okay with this. It’s alright with me.
Being single always involves a struggle to be content and all the things I mentioned are really just more attempts to make me unsatisfied where I’m at. I’m honestly at the point where pursuing marriage feels like the easy way out of a lot of issues for me, and if I did that, I would feel like I simply “gave in” to it. I’d regret missing all the blessings of a single season, meaning, I would still be unhappy. The key is to find joy wherever you are. I find my joy in my relationship with Christ and that’s where we should all find it.
I know both how to have a little, and I know how to have a lot. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being content — whether well fed or hungry, whether in abundance or in need. 13 I am able to do all things through Him who strengthens me.
I am not responsible for anyone else’s joy, and they are not responsible for mine. I’m going to follow Christ wherever he leads me and let him work out the details. If I’m supposed to marry one day, great! Let it come! If not, I’m ready!
To add to the words of Joe Clark in the movie Lean On Me:
“I don’t have to do nothin’ but stay black [follow Jesus] and die!” [Brackets added =P] And that’s exactly what I’ll do haha.