#6 These Hands Weren’t Made For This

So, apparently I have really long arms
So skinny
people think I must hit with all the intensity of wet spaghetti,
Because in fights I’d never strike back
In 2nd grade, Derrick Coleman told me that I didn’t deserve my height after smashing my plastic Batman lunchbox into my left eye
“That’s what you get big head”
“You the tallest nigga in class,
but ain’t no one scared of your skinny—”
Icepack from the nurse helped my head,
But today,
15 years later, those words still hurt.
So I started chasing strength
Refusing to be weak
And not just for me:
for every nerd and outcast,
every fat girl with an attractive sister,
every hard-hearted little boy beaten up standing for what he believed in;
The world is not worthy of your stories.
But they still leave us lonely, don’t they?
I’ve lost feeling
Searching for something to fill me
To build me into buildings that never fall,
Call me anything except what I am.
Conceal me until I can deal with these bruises
I’m gonna relearn how to use these hands:
They weren’t made for fists.
I’m so sick of being told I’m broken
And I know I’m not the only one.
I’m done waiting for someone to save me
Last girl who stepped into this wreck trying to stop it
Got caught instead
She offered her body to please me
Too easy;
lighting fires we couldn’t control
[Can’t hold coals to your chest without burning your clothes]
We were thieves,
attempting to steal meaning from one another
But these hands weren’t made for that.
Don’t we all share these stories though?
We once took pride in our lives.
Dreamed of all the things we would be,
but somewhere in between then and now,
we settled for what we got:
I’m not Dr. King like I thought I’d be.
Or a samurai….
Jet pilot, jedi, or a dinosaur.
But I am still something.
I am a miracle.
My mom had six miscarriages before I was born
Almost quit trying to have kids…
But she didn’t.
And she did!
She believed in miracles.
I am God-sent.
Ninety percent chance of down syndrome;
Born without a hint
I believe in those miracles.
You are a miracle.
Light dances in your eyes like ice skaters
Your glow is Aurora Borealis
Can’t you see how important your now is?
We are miracles
of vision and near-death experience.
Of chance meetings and dead writers whose words still inspire
We may sometimes take the hard-headed road
But where we find ourselves does not define us.
We were designed for more,
Step forward.
We have room to grow vast as oceans and galaxies
So set these broken ships to sea.
We’re NOT hopeless.
I know this.
And I know this:
No matter how many times I grope you
These hands will never hold your heart,
It’s hopeless.
It takes more strength to give than to take:
And hands can’t be measured by inches:
only what they hold in them.
The hearts of queens are larger than double D’s.
That can be hard to see.
I know.
But that’s what large hands are for
They’re for seeking God
And I’ve been trying;
But I’ve fallen too far to reach Him:
Still, He sees me.
Meets me here right where I’m at.
Like a swan wading through swamps making pristine springs
I never needed to reach Him.
He’s been reaching for me.
You need to know the same thing.
We were designed for more,
Step forward with me
Everything we’ve waited for is not so far away
I promise,
We can find
why you and I were designed.

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