The amount of writing I get done for this blog directly correlates with the amount of free time I give myself to write for leisure, hence my lack of updates.
I’ve been frightfully busy lately, and not only with school, work, and ministry; but I’ve been very concerned with my personal growth. Honestly, it’s been overwhelming. I’ve made a lot of unflattering discoveries about who I really am and a lot of my real motives are coming unearthed and they’re a lot more selfish than most people would ever expect of me.
I’ve made a number of apologies, broken a number of promises, and lost a couple friends because I’m not who they expected me to be; who I tried to make myself. I’ve been reminded several times though:
God is preparing me for where He’s about to take me. If I find my identity in presenting myself well before people, how much more would that consume me if I were given a large platform? If I found my solace in being a gentleman and treating women well, how much more temptation and heartbreak would I expose myself to if given a platform? As God breaks my preoccupation with being in total control, my penchant for isolation, my fear of structure and discipline, my fear of working hard for something, and my unconscious habit of building 5 levels of protection around my own ego, I’m starting to understand that I could not really be who I’m destined to be without this deep cleansing.
No matter how uncomfortable I get on some days, “This momentary, light affliction is absolutely incomparable to the glory that will be revealed in us” — Romans 8:18